Wednesday, June 05, 2013

When life hands you lemons, you take it with the right hand


Take heed. Don't mess with your mother. Seriously. You can knock me down, but so help me, I'll find some way to get back up again.



I hope I'm projecting a very strong image to these kids so that when they grow up, they realize that women are no laughing matter.

It's not that I'm hellbent on some feministic approach to life that women can do it all. We can't. Otherwise we'd have the ability to procreate without the Daddy. But no. We need them. It's just that, I want my boys to approach women with a certain viewpoint that women will always keep them guessing and just when you think you have them pegged as x, y, z, stand back, because there's more.

I suppose that's part of the reason I decided to take Taekwondo. And originally, I had little motivation to stick with it long enough to get my Black Belt. But alas, it's just so darn fun, and empowering, and it makes you strong and confident, and so many other positive things that I really can't say enough good things about it, and once I passed my first rank test, I realized that this hobby was more than a hobby. And it had all this meaning behind it and what it meant to my core to one day tie that Black Belt around my waist. Especially, what it could mean for my boys. To have a Mom that could literally kick butt and approach life with such confidence that they'd approach life with the same zest for living.

I suppose it was only a matter of time, given my tendency to injure myself. Though, I do have to say that I'm incredibly proud that it was not through the typical walking into walls or falling at random that most often befalls me. I was sparring and in a very unlucky stroke of fate, the way in which my hand collided ith my partners knee sent me reeling into a teary-eyed, try not to vomit, knees to the ground fit. I really should have known from the way that it almost immediately puffed up like a blowfish, that something probably was broken, but I'm an optimist. Nevertheless, it was broken, as I came to learn the following day.

Let me tell you, I'm incredibly happy that it wasn't my right hand, seeing as how I'm right dominant. That does not mean, however, that it's any easier. You see, humans have that whole opposable thumb thing going for them that allows us to do all kinds of neat things. Like any good band needs some good backup vocals to really make that song sore to the top, the right needs the left.

Oh, the process of discovering just how important that left hand is to the right.

Hayden truly was trying to help. He really was. But when I came into the nursery to find that the contents of Lennon's diaper was all over the changing table and the baby....*sigh*

Just try getting a wriggling 1 year old into the bathtub with one hand. Oh and let's not forget that he's covered in his own fecal matter and you're trying to avoid getting it on you or your clothes.

Then try bathing that same baby, quickly, so that you get the poop down the drain before he sticks his hands in his mouth.

Then take that baby out of the tub, safely. there anything more slippery than a wet baby in the tub?

Then diaper that baby, who would rather roll like an alligator prepping his dinner than lay still. Errrrmahgerd!!! Don't even get me started.

Yep...all that happened.

And as if that wasn't enough, I tried to open the Sam's Club bottle of Ibuprofen, so I could mediate the pain, and proceeded to spill the entire bottle all over the floor and dining room table. It, of course, was at that point that Lennon decided that those Ibuprofen pills were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen and proceeded to try and put them all in his mouth.

*Head to desk

I briefly (or more than briefly) thought about walking down the street to the State Hospital and asking them to commit me, but then all these boys that live in my house smiled at me and I really could do nothing more than laugh about the seemingly neverending comedy of errors.

And I suppose aside from being this strong female figure in the lives of my kiddos, there's also that overwhelming hope that they would also take life in stride and laugh when confronted with just how ridiculous things can get at times. 

Because right now...all of this one handed biz, is ridiculous.