Thursday, August 08, 2013

Finnegan, begin again...thoughts on the beginning of another school year

I did not cry.

My eyes did tear, but then I was swept away on the excitement train.

This morning, Sebastian started Kindergarten and Hayden started 2nd grade.

Because both schools start at the same time (7:30....oh my gosh, why does school have to start so early!) and the schools are approximately 10 miles, give or take, apart, Daddy Chad and I had to divide and conquer. He took Hayden, and I took Sebby and Lennon.

I know...three kids need to be in three different places around roughly the same time each morning. If that alone isn't reason enough to homeschool, I don't know what is.

I was so torn about missing Hayden's first day, but then school is a bit 'old hat' for him and just like he walked into Elementary for the first time ever like he owned the place and he'd done this every day of his life since birth, he approached second grade with much the same attitude. After regrouping after drop-off to compare notes, Chad said that Hayden actually didn't even care to be walked in and his Daddy was much obliged to not have to face the onslaught of 15,000 kids and parents. Did I mention that we attend one of the largest school districts in our state? Before anyone freaks about my oldest baby getting lost in the shuffle, let me remind you that Hayden has an internal navigational beacon that leads him in the direction he needs to travel and it has rarely steered him wrong. His Daddy shared that Hayden said "I'm SO excited!" many many times on the way to the school, so I have no doubt, he was just fine. Still, it did pain me that I was not able to see it first hand. Hayden excited is something to see any day of the week!

Sebastian's drop off went so different than I could have imagined. When I packed my things for the day, I made sure to pack the makeup, because after the ugly cry I experienced a week ago over my babies growing up, I fully expected that today would be no different.

When we entered the halls of that school and I looked down at Sebby, he just looked SO much smaller than the other kids, and, in fact, even smaller than he was when he woke this morning. I suppose other parents must feel that way. Your big kid that's ready to start big school, suddenly seems so small when you put them into the masses of elementary. My heart traveled into my throat and my stomach all at the same time and I let out an audible gasp. I swallowed the tears, but expected that next time wouldn't be so successful.

We rounded the hall and there sat his classroom. In he walked and away he went, barely stopping to remember that his dear mother was even still with him. I busied myself with some additional school supplies, but couldn't bear it any longer and the tears puddled into the bottom lid of my eyes, until I glanced up and saw my dear sweet boy, excitedly showing and telling his teacher all about his school lunch that was packed for today. His shoulders bounced and his voice was three octaves higher. He was excited. Dare I say, Disney excited?

How can I not get excited for him? As a Mom, my heart is absolutely crippled and crushed at the fact that I now have two children grown enough to be in school, but on the flip side, their happiness sees my sadness and raises it by a gillion.

As a Mom, this is what I want more than anything, and it's with this fact that I send these boys off into the world and swallow my tears for another day.

They are happy, and therefore, so am I.